The other night Justin came home from work and immediately noticed that I seemed irritated and was keeping my distance from him. When he commented on this, I realized he was correct, I was feeling slightly angry at him and was having the impulse to push him away.
Why was I feeling this? What had happened? Nothing came to mind at all.
I kept wondering about it and then had an idea to physicalize it. Instead of using words to uncover what was going on, the idea was to play with it non-verbally, using my body to discover the root of these feelings. I asked Justin if he was open to trying this with me. He said yes (I LOVE his willingness to try anything). I asked him to stand up in our living room so I could physicalize what I was feeling on the inside. I asked him to become a tree and to solidly stand there. I requested that he not use his arms to push against me, but that I might push against him.
Standing in front of Justin, I opened to all the feelings within me – the irritation and the desire to push him away. I surrendered to these impulses and invited them into physical form by pushing against him using my hands and my whole body. I did this for several minutes and then suddenly found myself sobbing. I then noticed I had an impulse to start pulling him closer while also pushing him away. Suddenly an awareness bubbled up that I was feeling a lot of fear. I said it out loud, “I am feeling afraid of getting married in 10 weeks…. and I 100% want to marry you. I am just feeling afraid of taking this huge step.” When I landed on this deeper truth, my desire to push him away suddenly faded. My whole body relaxed and I simply opened to feeling my fear of taking this HUGE step into marriage.
Justin reminded me that fear is totally natural, especially when taking such a big step like marriage. He shared that he was feeling afraid as well. Instantly I felt so deeply connected to him. We both shared that we feel afraid of continuing to deepen into intimate and vulnerable connection with each other. We both feel afraid of it AND we are continuing to step forward with all of it.
Our Invitation: Sometimes when things come up in relationship, our minds are not quick enough to process it all. The best thing to do is to take yourself out of your mind and play with physicalizing your experience. Getting physical with an issue, if done within a safe and clear container, can support you in getting to the root of what is really going on. There is so much value to going non-verbal and using our bodies to get to the deeper wisdom. We are on the journey with you, so feel free to share your thoughts and ideas with us here or at www.facebook.com/DailyRelationship. Do you have a topic you would like us to explore on camera? Share it here at http://dailyrelationship.com/submit-a-topic/. Thank you!
– Juna & Justin