Do you think you are better than your partner? Or do you think that they are better than you because they make more money? Are you more spiritually aware? Are you really smart? What is with this comparison thing in relationship?
This is hard to admit, but early on in our relationship, I judged Justin to be less than me in a variety of ways. It feels truly silly now, but I judged him to be less attuned, less spiritual and not as far along as me on the personal growth track. Then later on as Justin’s brilliance continued to expand I judged him to be better than me. This inner judger and comparer of mine served as a reliable unconscious strategy to squash the massive amount of love that was flowing through our relationship.
Want to kill the flow of love in your relationship? Just judge your partner to be less than or more than you, it works quite well. Seriously.
Judgements are originally born from the things we value and desire most (for some people it might be intelligence, success, money, good looks, personal growth, a great job, a big house, being famous, etc.). When we value and want these things so much, it is easy to look at the rest of the world from the context of “have” and “have not.” However, judgement comes in as a strategy to make us (our ego) feel better about ourselves, by focusing on how our partner, or others, are lacking in these areas. Seeing others as “less than” positions us as “more than.”
In relationship, we can begin to create a comparison chart in our minds, where we believe ourselves to be “less than” or “more than” our partner. However, when we consistently do this, we actually put each other into boxes and reinforce the behavior/reality we are judging.
How do we shift out of this truly ridiculous game? How do we transcend this limited context of “better than” and “worse than,” and instead open to a context that feels supportive, celebratory, expansive and curious?
What Justin and I have been exploring is being willing to see each other as completely Whole and Brilliant in each and every moment. Are you willing to see your partner (and every human for that matter) as brilliant? Are you willing to see them as truly perfect just the way they are? Once you do this, sit back and be surprised by how they show up. We are on the journey with you, so feel free to share your thoughts or ideas at www.DailyRelationship.com, www.facebook.com/DailyRelationship, and www.youtube.com/DailyRelationship. Thank you!